Evening Rad Blog,

 

So, I have moved in another direction with out second Adult Drink Reaction. Maybe it isn’t that big of a step because I’ve gone with a beer I’ve known about for a long time. Here, I have the historical Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.

 

Why is it historical? I don’t know really. I read through the company’s history and it was kind of interesting. The name changed like several times over the production of it. The name “Pabst Blue Ribbon” is the longest standing one. The cool thing is that Pabst was a captain of a steam boat so this beer already has a big ol Cap plus going for it right out of the gate.

 

I’ve first heard of Pabst Blue Ribbon through the ska punk band Big D and the Kids Table. At the end of the song “You Lost, You’re Crazy” there’s an old advertisement for Pabst. I was like “Da heck is that?” when I was a wee 12 year old. I was more into the cool music rather than the beer. Ever since I started being more lenient on alcohol, I thought I’d finally give this thing a try. It is also featured in the movie Everything Must Go with Will Ferrell where he drinks like 20,000 cans of it in the film. Hey, it is a serious movie about a man recovering from alcohol addiction but it just doesn’t quite click to him until the end. Maybe that’s a bad sign for me since it seems like this is his drink of choice.

 

Maybe it is his choice beer because it was relatively cheap. I couldn’t buy a single can from the store so I had to buy a six pack. Don’t worry, I’ll cut the plastic ring that kills penguins when I’m done with it. Anyway, the six pack was like 6 bucks so I see that as like a dollar a can. That’s like as cheap as soda.

 

Thinking about it, beer isn’t that complicated. If you’re a big company like Pabst here, they probably pay like pennies for the yeast they use. Grains and yeast aren’t terrible expensive and being that this is a modern age American beer, this is probably mostly water. That’s how they make alcohol, well, differ from the stuff you put in your car. Heck, there’s still water in that, but a lot less than what’s in what we drink and a heck of a lot less than what’s probably in this can.

 

I’m not trying to knock Pabst here with that, it is just a matter of fact. The hard part of this is to make it not taste so watery and that’s what I’ll try and look at in this post.

 

Another thing is I have no idea what beer is supposed to taste like. I’ve had beer battered fish and chips and it just adds a, I guess, bread taste to the fish fry. I suppose that sounds right.

 

I can’t tell you what’s the ingredients or nutrition facts with this because it isn’t on the can. That’s a shame because that helps me understand what exactly goes into these alcoholic drinks. That’s why I’ve been researching distillation processes so I can ascertain how something is made. According to their site, this is made with barley, hops, and other grains. I have a can here which may or may not alter the taste. I’d prefer a bottle, but that’s even more expensive and I’m not about to blog from a bar.

 

I’ve asked the Queen and a friend what they think about it. The Queen says she thinks I’ll think it is gross. My friend called it “piss water.” Well, that’s reassuring.

 

Wait, it is a blue ribbon winner! They used to tie blue ribbons on the bottles, but stopped because of a silk shortage in one of the World Wars. This is true! It is on their site. That’s actually a really neat fact to me.

 

The can is pretty cool if I’m honest. I like the blue ribbon decal and that red sash. The bottom of this can says “This is the original Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer. Nature’s choicest products provide its prized flavor. Only the finest of hops and grains are used. Selected as America’s Best in 1893.”

 

Well, 1893 was a VERY long time. How long can you beat on that drum? Well, I guess I’ll see if I give this Cap’s Purple Ribbon since I use purple as my ribbon color. Actually, I don’t have a ribbon. Maybe I will do that one day. Oh well.

 

Let’s get going so I can experience this award winner.

 

Oh yes. Don’t forget that this has an alcohol content of about 5.9%. Do not drink and drive. It is dangerous. Pregnant women shouldn’t drink alcohol either according to the warning. Americans under 21 shouldn’t be drinking this either. Hey, I’m just trying to do my part in keeping the warnings in place. Drink responsibly. I’m in for the night so I won’t be going anywhere or doing anything.

 

The liquid is very amber in color. It isn’t really brown, but more yellow. I can see why my friend might call it “piss water” because that’s kind of what it looks like. It even has a sort of foam to it at the top. It sort of bubbled down since I poured it. It still has a frothy nature around the top of the liquid in the glass. The amber is sorta transparent. I mean, I can see through it, but it’s very muddied in looking at it. I’ll say it isn’t super clear, but it also doesn’t 100% hinder vision looking through it.

 

The scent is…something. It smells of gasoline. Yeah. It smells like woody gasoline. I have this like almost toxic scent to it but there’s a mini sweet undertone? Maybe? I wouldn’t put it past it since sugar is something found in the initial distillation process before the yeast is added. I did say woody because it does have a slight wood scent to it. It sort of reminds me of something like driving an ATV in a forest. That’s actually a pretty good description of what I’m getting here.

 

Taste time!

 

Gulp.

 

Ehh. Ehh. Hmm. Ehh.

 

Well, this tastes nothing like I thought it would.

 

At first sip, I’m just kind of getting a foamy taste. It really doesn’t taste like much other than air. I guess that’s from the frothy nature of this beer. It then moves on to that kind of oily gasoline taste you’d get from alcohol, but it is very, very weak.  So weak, that it is almost not that offensive. Note that I say “almost” because it has a lingering effect that doesn’t really allow me to enjoy the grainy taste that comes next. As that sort of takes a seat, and I will say that it is not quite about taking its seat, there’s a sort of malty taste to it that I remember from a malt cola. It sort of tastes like what eating a piece of bread is like, but this bread is store brand white bread. Granted, it is a bready taste and it isn’t horrible. It is just kind of boring. I guess it is hoppy too, but I don’t really get a bundle of flavor with the hops. It is just kind of there. From my understanding, hops give it a sort of kick. That’s why darker beers have a lot more hops in it, or so I’ve come to understand. The after taste isn’t so bad. It is pretty smooth if I say so myself. The actual interesting part of the grains coming together that gets masked by the gasoline taste come back in the after taste so if you actually want a beer flavor, then this is where you find it.

 

This is…okay I guess. I’m not like “Heck yeah! Gotta drink more Pabst Blue Ribbon!” If this really is the best beer around, which I wouldn’t know, then man, are the other beers probably rank. This is pretty mediocre even by my alcohol newbie standards. I’m not getting a kick in the tastebuds with this. I get a mild bread flavor and that’s about it. Could I enjoy this overall? I mean, it isn’t making me wince in drinking it so that’s a huge plus. The no wince factor makes it more drinkable to me so yeah, I could have a can of this while I watch YouTube or maybe play The Sims or something. For that, I have to give it some points. If I’m fighting a flavor the whole time, it is way less enjoyable. While this doesn’t taste like much at all, I’m not going “Blech!” like the Queen said I would.

 

I’ll give this a blue ribbon made out of five-times recycled plastic out of Rad. Well, thanks for opening the book on beer for me, Pabst. I think I’ll go see what your competitors have to offer now.

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