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It’s American Football time, Rad Blog!

 

Yes, today I have a special Monster edition to try. This is called Gronk named after the American Football player Robert Gronkowski. He plays for the New England Patriots. That’s pretty much all I know about the guy other than he is probably pretty good and most likely fairly popular. According to Wikipedia, he’s a Tight End and he’s 27. He’s not much older than I am. Huh. That kind of puts things into perspective for me. Like, I could have gone to high school with him if we lived in the same area.

 

Anyway, to avoid making my impeding age and lack of success more prevalent in the drink reaction post, I gotta ask what makes Mr. Gronkowski’s drink so special. I kind of looked at the can and can’t really find a flavour name. Does it taste like sweat since he’s an athlete? I hope not. Does it taste like, uh, fish because he plays on the Patriots and they have the whole Nantucket thing going for them? Again, I hope not.

 

I know! It tastes like victory since the Patriots are like the best team in the NFL since it began, right? Watch now as a bunch of angry American Football fans come and go “Blah blah blah Chas! The Cowboys are the greatest team ever!” Spare me, I know a little about the NFL to know that the Steelers, Cowboys, and 49ers are all classically awesome. I mean, that’s what Wikipedia tells me anyway.

 

Enough about sports! This is about drinks!

 

Let me look more at this can to see if I can ascertain anything.

 

Er…nope. It just says that Monster is happy to partner with him since he parties a lot and plays hard. I guess he would need the buzz? I don’t know. I’m not him nor one of his associates.

 

Anyway, I’m gonna go out and guess that this is just a regular Monster but buying this makes to look all cool so people say “Oh man, he must be a Robert Gronkowski fan!”

 

It puzzles me why they would sell this with regular Monster still on shelves. Maybe Monster is trying to be tricky and make people think that this is some kind of new flavour. The little excerpt certainly doesn’t say it is. All it says is that “we re-engineered the flavor and added our tried and true energy blend…” To me, this means “we re-organized how much sugar and artificial flavours we usually put in and called it something else.” It is like New Coke. When New Coke was a thing, people went absolutely mental. New Coke really wasn’t all that different, but people could still taste the difference. Hopefully, Monster will fare slightly better.

 

Then again, I don’t think people will care as much as Coke. The audience is slightly more narrow and most people who drink Monster are kind of open to different tastes. Others probably wouldn’t even read the side of the can and just go “GRONK BRO! LOOKIT! YEAH! TOUCHDOWN!”

 

Okay, okay. Let’s look at the ingredients and nutrition facts. I’m gonna have my Monster Drink Reaction open as well to compare.

Nutrition Facts!

2 servings per can. As usual, Monster has put “per can” numbers because who drinks Monster per servings?

 

I will use the “per can” numbers.

220 calories. 0g total fat. 185mg total sodium. 55g total carbs. 52g sugars. 0g protein. 200% riboflavin. 200% niacin. 200% Vitamin B6. 200% Vitamin B12.

 

Comparing the two, Gronk version has 10 more calories, 185 mg less sodium, 1g more carbs, and 2g less sugars. Kind of significant in the sodium department. Interesting? I wonder what they took out that made it this much less? Maybe a different preservative over sodium citrate.

 

Anyway, ingredients time!

 

Carbonated water, sugar, glucose, citric acid, taurine, natural & artificial flavors, sodium citrate, panax ginseng extract, tartaric acid, color added, caffeine, sorbic acid, benzoic acid, niacinamide, l-carnitine l-tartrate, salt, d-glucuronolactone, guarana extract, inositol, pyridoxine hydrochloride, sucralose, riboflavin, maltodextrin, cycanocobalamin.

 

I’m just gonna eyeball the original Monster ingredients.

 

Huh. They added artificial flavouring to this. Not cool, Monster. I would much rather drink fish oils over fish oils and petroleum. They also added tartaric acid which is something I don’t know. Time to learn!

 

Tartaric acid is cream of tartar which is basically salt and baking powder. It makes a more sour taste. Will this be more sour then?! Interesting.

 

This has all the evidence that this should have way more sodium than the original Monster, but it doesn’t. I’m kind of at a loss. Maybe the addition of tartaric acid makes the need for sodium based preservatives less. Looking at the chemical properties of tartaric acid, it looks like it is mostly oxygen, holmium, and hydrogen. No sodium at all.

 

Okay, first I bore you with American Football talk and now I’m boring you with science talk. Let’s just open this and taste it! I’ll be the judge if this taste like original Monster or not!

 

Well, it certainly looks like Monster. It certainly smells like Monster!

 

It has this odd amber look to it, kind of like urine. I’ve kind of come to expect that now from energy drinks. They look like urine and I could joke and say they taste like it too, but that would require me to actually drink urine. No thank you.

 

It has this sweet scent to it, but like I’ve said in other Drink Reactions, it has this subtle sharpness to it. It is kind of like what I expect a venus flytrap to do to flies. It smells sweet, but it has a deadly undertone to it. That’s how I smell this drink.

 

Taste time!

 

Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

 

Yeah, this tastes like regular Monster, except a lot less sweet.

At first sip, I’m greeted with a type of bitter medicine taste, but the bitterness isn’t coming coming from the B Vitamins. It is more of whatever else they put in this drink. The medicine taste is its own separate entity when it comes to this taste. I mean, I taste the bitterness of the B Vitamins and then I taste a different bitterness from whatever else. Maybe it is the flavouring? Then it kind of transitions to a sweetness, but it is so weak that it is quickly overpowered by more medicine taste. The after taste is kind of dulled at the end. It kind of makes my tongue numb if I’m honest. Thankfully there’s no overly awful medicine taste as the aftertaste nor is the sucralose really prevalent. If I had to describe this taste simply, it would be “medicine-like.”

 

I feel like original Monster is a bit sweeter. Maybe people didn’t like that. Maybe that’s why they made Gronk version. Maybe they partnered with Gronk because this is a harder taste and isn’t sweetened by as much sugar, despite this only having 2g less in it. I have no idea. Whatever the case, I think I prefer original Monster over this. This almost tastes like those one dollar energy drinks that don’t bother to put any effort in masking the harshness of the B Vitamins.

 

Overall, I say don’t be fooled into buying this and expecting something different. This is just Monster with some American Football player on the can. If you’re a big fan of his, then go ahead and buy it. If you’re not, don’t bother seeking this out because it really isn’t special. Even though Monster claims to have tweaked their ingredients, it still tastes like regular Monster except it is missing some of the sweetness. Perhaps, this is a bit more bitter in taste. To me, it tastes kind of cheap.

 

I’m giving this a going to some distant relative’s house for Thanksgiving and they only wanna watch the NFL games and you don’t have anything else to entertain yourself so you have the choice of either watching it or napping out of Rad.

 

Mr. Gronkowski might be into partying, but this drink is kind of boring.

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