Hey Rad Blog!
So, this is one of the last Java Monsters I need to try. There’s only one more after it and that is Salted Caramel. I hate salted caramel in general so that’s why it is last.
You know what else I don’t like? Low calorie drinks. That usually means more sucralose and less sugar. Thankfully, I took a slight peek at this one and it doesn’t seem to be a huge difference in calories.
This is Vanilla Light. The name is by far the least creative. At least Mean Bean and Loca Mocha were kind of a play on words while Irish Blend and Kona Blend were kinda special. This is just…eh? What should we call this, Joey? Low Calorie Vanilla? No, no. Let’s try something that rolls off the tongue a little. Vanilla Light? Brilliant!
If anyone reading this works at Monster HQ, is there really a guy named Joey who you shoot your ideas to on a daily basis? Tell him to call me up, because I wanna play some Borderlands or something with him.
So, this can is kinda boring too. It lacks the wood look all the other cans have. In fact, you might not even know this is a Java Monster without looking at the label.
Well, I suppose this is good for those wanting to count calories, but also need energy. Honestly, if you are trying to slim down, I’d say avoid energy drinks, but this is marketing. I won’t fault Monster for that.
As you can see on the can it says “Lo-Cal.” At first I thought this was a local drink that someone in Jersey decided would be cool and won some contest. Then I realized I was being stupid.
So, what else can I say about this drink? Is the description the same?
Huh! Something else. This is an exclusive Java Monster Stuff can, whatever that means. Oh! There’s codes I collect to get free Monster. That’s actually kinda rad. Exclusive to Java Monster. Free plus 5 dollars shipping?! I’ll just go to the bloody store and drop 2 to 3 dollars if I want one that badly!
Marketing is the subtitle of this Drink reaction.
Besides that stupid deal, there’s nothing else about this. Let’s jump into the nutrition facts and ingredients.
As always, I am going by can and not serving size.
100 calories. 25 calories from fat. 3g total fat. 2g saturated fat. 0g trans fat. 10mg cholesterol. 520mg sodium. 160mg potassium. 13g total carbs. 9g sugars. 6g protein. 90% Vitamin C. 15% calcium. 190% riboflavin. 190% niacin. 190% Vitamin B6. 10% phosphorus.
Dang man, the sodium is high! What it lacks in calories, it toally makes up in sodium. Looking at Loca Mocha, there’s 400 something milligrams of sodium. This has 520! Are you really that desperate to kick off a few calories to have a higher sodium drink?
Brewed coffee (filtered water, coffee extract), reduced fat milk, glucose, taurine, heavy cream, sodium citrate, natural flavors, salt, panax ginseng extract, microcrystalline cellulose, guar gum, tricalcium phosphate, mono & diglycerides, caffeine, ascorbic acid, carrageenan, sucralose, maltodextrin, cellulose gum, niacinamide, l-carnitine l-tartrate, inositol, guarana extract, d-glucuronolactore, pyridoxine hydrochloride, riboflavin.
Okay, we gotta look up what mono & diglycerides is. I’m guessing some sort of sugar substitute or calorie decrease thing.
This is very confusing. I’ll try to break it down easily.
So, moro & diglycerides and things used to break down fat with things that contain water. It apparently isn’t very good for you. Looks like people would classify it as a GMO. It is common in stuff like ice cream so I guess I won’t mind. We’ll see!
This is odd because this drink looks the same as Irish Blend with the heavy cream, but it has what almost looks like the makes of ice cream. Vanilla ice cream energy drink coffee style? Oh! That kinda sounds good.
Well, let’s see what it’s like.
Oh yeah! Coffee extract! Boo! Lame!
Gosh dang it. I was trying to look at the code, and the bloody tab thing broke off and FELL IN THE CAN! Gah. If I say this has a metalic taste now, it is because of that…
Well, scent-wise it kind of smells of weak coffee. There’s a coffee scent, but it isn’t as strong as the other Java Monsters. I don’t really smell vanilla from this, but that might just be me.
The Queen says it smells like Birthday Cake Vodka. Okay then….
Well, oh yeah, milk pill.
Hmm. Eh. Eh.
Well, it is really creamy. I’ll give it that. It really doesn’t taste like vanilla at all. I get a load of cream, then the eh coffee taste. The coffee flavour is very acid-like with a hint of burnt. It kinda reminds me of the Loca Mocha, but not as tasty.
Also, because there’s no bloody sugar in this, sucralose roams free and boy is it apparent. Oddly enough, I can taste that energy drink medicine flavour in this one too with the sucralose.
What redeems this dink is the nice creamy flavour. It is like what Muscle Monster tastes like, but then it just gets rubbish tasting.
I’m going to be honest, this is terrible. It isn’t good. It is a real shame too because all of the other ones I’ve tried were unique and flavourful while this is just crap. It is a crap creamy coffee that someone tried to make low-calorie.
No. I cannot recommend this one. Go for any of their other Java Monsters besides this one. There’s really nothing special with this one and that’s saying something because Mean Bean is supposed to be their “nothing special” drink. This one somehow is outdone by Mean Bean.
Okay, I taste a slight vanilla aftertaste now that I’ve been sitting here, but it is is just so slight. It gets beat out by the gross medicine and sucralose combo.
I’m giving this a trip on the sidewalk out of rad.
Salted caramel, you have some pretty easy competition.