Had a rough night last night and bad morning today. What’s going on with me?
Well, I have some good news first. I’ll be moving with the Queen very soon. What’s the bad news? Money.
Okay, it really isn’t that bad. I just feel the weight of it, mostly because the whole student loan thing. That’s really what this is all about.
I’ve beaten this topic like a dusty rug. Here’s another post about me complaining about my degree and the cost of education.
Last night, I was thinking about things that make me sad like how I have very few friends and that I really don’t belong anywhere on Neoseeker despite me having new friends. Anyway, I got to thinking of things that are coming soon and I need to make more money. I am going to get a second job, but I’d rather have one job that pays more and has longer hours. It is a luxury really. No one is going to hire a literature graduate with barely enough experience, but that’s beside the point. The point is, it is bad out there for everyone. A college degree is just that. It is the new normal. College used to be special because not many people went. Now, just about everyone seems to go to college and therefore there’s an abundance of graduates.
I’ve come to peace with my “degree” because there’s plenty of other majors out there, some that are even in demand, getting the shaft.
What is it then? I’m feeling the pressure of not being able to make enough money because I have this student loan payment hanging over me. I’d feel a lot better if I didn’t have that monthly charge. I’d pretty much make it on my own with my current small job. It is just a huge payment and for what? I don’t see any benefit of it. I’m doing a job where the requirement was a high school diploma. I mean, probably other college graduates applied for this job too because they can’t find crap either.
It is a paradox kinda. If you don’t go to college, you’ll be beaten out by college graduates. If you do go to college, you’ll be working for peanuts and not have enough money to do anything. They wonder why birth rate might be going down, eh? That’s because no one can afford it. College is the, in video game terms, meta. It is sad and true.
I’m not even lazy like some people say. I worked through college. I pay my bills always on time. I’m just anticipating bad things. It drags me down because I haven’t seen this very expensive degree do anything for me besides make me slightly better off than someone that doesn’t have their own expensive degree. That’s all I’m saying. I’m also not afraid to get a second job. I’m complaining because I wish it didn’t have to be this way.
Am I at fault at all? I could have picked a better major. I could have went to a trade school. I could have done a lot of things, but I just have to put up with it because the past is the past. There is no changing what I can do now. I will move forward.
I hope I don’t sound too entitled. I know there’s a ton of people way worse off than I am. I guess I feel for you, but I can’t really feel empathy. You are my competition for a job after all.
I’ve been reading the news that a few states are gradually going to raise their minimum wage to 15 an hour. I’m reading the pros and cons about it and I’m still not 100% sure what this will do for me. On the one hand, great. More money. I made 14 an hour at my temp job and that made me feel really good. On the other hand, wouldn’t this cause other things to go up, like prices? I’d need to see the ratio of people making below 15 an hour and the people making above or at 15 an hour. If there’s way fewer people making less than 15 an hour, then that would mean prices might rise since these workers will cost a bit more. Also, I suppose with more spending money, that means demand will rise so prices should rise too? It’s been a while since I took an econ class. I don’t like coming up with a position on things anyway because that makes me open to debate.
Anyway, I’m just going with the flow. Writing about it here makes me feel better. I don’t really have a stance on anything politically. It is probably because I’m not really informed no care to be informed. I’m like one of my own citizens in NationStates. Political apathy is pretty darn high, 8th highest to be exact out of all my other ranks.
It’ll work out in the end. I’m just disenchanted is all. That’s been the story of my life.
Okay, well, might as well cover my other problem. I’m feeling alienated. Introverts would call this peaceful, but I’m missing friends and feeling like I belong somewhere. The truth is, I haven’t felt a true sense of belonging anywhere in a long time. This isn’t just about video games and stuff. It is workplace related too. When I think of all the people I work with here, they know each other and chat and seem like friends. Some go out to lunch together. I’ve always been the new guy or the outsider. They talk to me, but only because I’m there. I guess it is an age related thing, but I just haven’t felt like I am in that harmony as others are here.
It is the same with other stuff I like. Payday 2. I will never be in that community or feel like I belong there because of well, things. I won’t go into it, but I’ll just say I don’t end up agreeing with what they have to say a lot of the time nor do I play it as intensely as they might.
Neoseeker is a website I’ve been on since I was a youngin’. I used to have a group or two I knew and loved, but they are all gone. I’ve come to terms with that. They well never be back. I’ve been trying to fit in with a new group and it is semi-successful, but I just don’t feel a unity. I feel like an obligation.
I don’t know. It will get better I hope. Maybe I can learn to stop caring about people and become a introvert/extrovert hybrid of cynicism.
That’s really it. I feel a lot better now. I just got to write these things out sometimes. It is the best sort of therapy I suppose.