Rad Blog.

 

It has been some time since I wrote about what’s on my mind that wasn’t a mobile post. Well, here we go.

 

I’ve been feeling kinda sad the last few days. I think it is because I’m seeing things I don’t like. What do I mean?

 

I think it all started with my Grim Fandango stream. I knew it was going to be point and click and have puzzles, but I was so horrible at solving them that the chat was telling me how to do it. I mean, that’s fine. It should be anyway. It accelerates the process which would have taken me hours to do myself.

 

Look, I know I’m dumb. I’ve said it a lot. I barely got through school, but that’s not my fault. I’m bad at your logic puzzles.

 

You could say I’m smart in other ways, but that would be your words and not mine. I don’t honestly believe I’m very smart. If I admit it, it is usually because I did something right. In general, I don’t see it in me. I don’t believe in myself which is probably my biggest “turn off.”

 

It isn’t the act of telling me how to do things that brings me down really. It is more of me feeling like I’m not doing well enough so I get the feeling of being rushed. I know I was taking a long time to figure out the puzzle. Maybe its the games fault for not giving me more information. Maybe it is my fault for being dumb. It doesn’t matter. When people tell me how to play, I take it as “Chas, you idiot, it is RIGHT there.” Most cases I know it isn’t like that. I know people aren’t saying how dumb I am. They are just being interactive. They are offering me help.

 

The intentions are good, but unsolicited advise is something that brings me down. I’m a proud Chas who does what he wants. If I was looking for improvement or help, I would most certainly ask. There’s degrees of these unsolicited advise I’ve seen.

 

The most normal which I usually am fine with is when I attempt something I’m clueless about and I know there’s probably a better way to do something. This usually happens when I’m doing a job I’ve never done before. I’ll reference the one job where I had to put together these name badges. I was trying to assemble the chain first then the insert, but the other worker told me that I could do several chains at a time if I held it a certain way. That helped because in doing it the way I was doing it, I knew it was really time consuming and there had to be a better way.

 

Another way that I’m usually okay with is feedback on projects. These usually come from authority figures like teachers. A teacher gives me a bad grade on a project because of some reason. I usually just accept it because I guess I just didn’t do good work. Whatever. That’s fine. It happened and it was done.

 

Now I get to the point where it brings me down. When I’m attempting to do something I am enjoying and someone just goes and tells me the best way to accomplish something, then I get down. I get a bit sad because I was enjoying what I was doing and even if I was slow, I was going to figure it out myself eventually. This is the case with the Grim Fandango, Game Dev Tycoon, and Cave Story streams. Each of those I had people telling me how I should solve the puzzles/maximize my gaming.

 

The worst of all unsolicited advise is unwanted critiques. This happened a lot in Spiral Knights and the Game Dev stream. When this happens, I am usually doing well in my own way. I have experience in something and I am just going about my business when someone comes up to me and tells me what I’m doing wrong. This not only demoralizes me, but annoys me because what’s wrong with my way? Why does this demoralize me? I think it is because I’m happy with how I am and I pride myself on being a functioning cog in a good team. I see success in my teamwork, so I’m happy. When someone tells me what I could do better, it basically tells me that my current view on my contribution to the team is not good enough. They think their intentions are good, but they aren’t. I don’t care if so-and-so weapon is the best. I didn’t like it when I used it, so I use a different one. I don’t care if I should train this skill because it is useful. I’ve been doing fine without it. Usually when I reply to these sorts of people, they get offended and say things like “I was only trying to help.”

 

I don’t understand people that observe others and think that their unsolicited advise is wanted. I wasn’t asking people like “Is this gun the best?” or “Should I be training this skill?” No. I don’t care. Do you think I’m unaware of that gun or that skill? I’m not. I know exactly what I’m doing and I’m doing it my way.

 

Anyway, that’s what gets me down. Explaining it here makes me feel a little better.

 

When I’m down like this, I start thinking about how archaic I am. Neoseeker is full of cool people, but there’s a bunch that I’ll never have the same good interaction with as I do with my friends. It is just how I am I suppose. People are in the now these days. I’m less into current trends. That’s the Chas Rad charm.

 

 

I get all Prufrock-y.

 

I’m going to talk about games a little more.

 

On Neoseeker, they brought up difficulty in games. A lot of people say they go straight to hard mode. Me, I’m always trying to survive on the easiest mode. I still lose there. There’s only a few games I can do well on the harder modes. When I was playing Payday on stream with Gildem, I was saying that I’ve played long enough to understand how the game works and therefore I can do the “harder” modes. He refuted saying that I have skill and I am a good player. No. That is not it at all. I have experience. I am not a good player at all. I’d go so far and say I suck at Payday 2 and the only way I survive is because I am comfortable with what I’m doing.

 

Let me give some background on why I think this is. Payday 2’s difficulty isn’t all that difficult. I mean, anyone that is under level 50 might have a hard time with any of the difficulties over hard mode. Lemme give you the difficulty line up:  normal, hard, very hard, overkill, death wish. Normal is pretty darn easy. Hard is pretty easy too, but they throw in some special units so it can cause newer players or players that don’t have a lot of skill points yet some trouble. Beyond 50, you should have enough skill points where hard mode isn’t all that hard and playing very hard or overkill provides a better challenge. One at the max level (100), people feel like the only real challenge is death wish. Now, I haven’t mentioned that there’s infamy levels which basically once you get to 100, you reset the progress to get a reward and go back to level 0. Infamy 5 is the top point I’d like to think and I think most Payday 2 players would agree with me on that. Once at Infamy 5, you have enough rewards to actually see a difference in skill point cost.

 

So, I’m infamy 10 at the moment so I’ve played the game long enough to know what to do. Do I play on death wish? No. Why? I suck. I am just generally unskilled. I don’t take cover. I don’t really care about my build. I don’t care about weapons. I don’t care about mods. I just generally don’t improve myself to be any good at death wish. Instead, I play on overkill or very hard, depending how little I think of myself that day. Have I been successful on death wish before? Sure! I have a few heists done on that mode, but it was mostly thanks to the other players. I was the weak link. I don’t like being the weak link so I don’t play on death wish. I contribute much more on overkill or very hard. I don’t get the highest kills, but I am good at helping the crew. That’s what makes me happy when I play the game.

That is just me, though. People want to play death wish. People only care about how well you play on that mode. To say that I have skill is diminishing how the good players on death wish play. They have skill. Me, I just have been around long enough to know what I shouldn’t be doing. Even death wish is really easy for some people. To them, I have much respect.

 

So that’s that. I am not good at video games. Don’t even say “No Chas! You are!” No. That’s just not true. I know I’m not good at them. I am fine with that. I don’t want to be good at them. I want to have fun with what I’m doing, even if it means I suck. That’s the most important thing to me.

 

That’s probably why I get upset when people tell me how to do things. I was having fun trying to figure out what to do for the sake of progress.

 

That’s really it.

 

Oh yeah, I am considering in buying Disney Infinity 3.0. It looks cool with the figures. I wanna play as Lightning McQueen, but the game itself looks kinda ehh.

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