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Back on track with a new Drink Reaction. This is Naked. Yep. It is a naked drink. Cover up, will ya?


Okay, that’s the last nudity joke because we aren’t crass here on the Rad Blog.


What do I know about Naked? I know my college tried to shove it down our throats because it is healthy or something. I also know for a fact that these drinks are kinda misleading. I mean, the stuff in them are great, but I’ve heard their calorie count or sugar count is really freakin high.


This is supposed to be the “odd but cool” drink. I was at Wawa when I picked up two drinks for five bucks. This is by far the oddest looking one since the other one I got was mostly mango. The others were like strawberry and pina colada.


Anyhow, Green Machine! Chew Chew!


This is looking like a health-kid’s lifesaver. Look at all the tat on this bottle. Non-GMO food verification?! 100% Juice!?We’re just missing that organic logo thing, but I’m sure it might appear. Actually, I’m not that sure. I mean, it is supposed to be non-GMO which to mean makes it organic, but maybe it can be mass produced without using GMOs or whatever. GMOs? What are those? Well, every person that has ever gone to college knows that GMO means genetically modified ingredients or some variation of that phrase. It is a super popular topic for freshmen to write about in their first year writing classes.


So this claims that there’s no GMOs in this! Cool? I guess. I don’t really care one way or another. I’m in this for the flavour, and that’s what is unique about this drink. Looking at the picture on the front we can see an apple, a pineapple, a kiwi, and broccoli?! Yep! That’s right. This is a fruit and vegetable drink. I just worked out at the gym so this is gonna be a good compliment, right?


We’ll see. Let’s observe this bottle.


Well, this is a smoothie. I should check if it has milk in it so I don’t ruin my stomach.


“Looks weird tastes amazing” it says. We’ll just see about that.


Hmm. The bottle is for eco-kids too. 100% recycled plastic. That’s nice. No added sugars or preservatives. Also it is vegan. Who isn’t this for?


Certified rainforest safe!? What in the world!? Also it negotiated peace in the middle east, has a masters in civic relations, and volunteers its free time at the homeless shelter.


Though, it does not have that organic logo anywhere. Huh!


So, it breaks down how much of each “thing” is in this. I’ll list it for you because I’m rad.


2 3/4ths apples, 1/2 banana (sustainable grown and harvested), 1/3kiwi, 1/3 mango, 1/12 pineapple.


1 twelfth?!


1335mg spirulina, 409mg alfalfa, 102mg broccoli, 102mg spinach, 51mg kale, 51mg garlic, 76mg barley grass, 76mg wheat grass, 51mg ginger, 51mg parsley.


Garlic?! Well, sorry Vampires, this drink isn’t for you. Also, spellcheck is having a problem with spirulina. It suggests “aspirin” as a replacement. No. I think I won’t be drinking aspirin. What in the world is “spirulina?” Well, the first result says “the amazing food you’ve never heard of.” That pretty much sums it up for me.


Oh great, it is often used in fish food. Delicious. Apparently it high in protein. That’s cool with me.


Okay, that’s pretty much the ingredients. I’ll write it in the official format too.


Apple juice, mango puree, pineapple juice, banana puree, kiwi puree, spirulina, natural flavors, alfalfa, broccoli, spinach, barley grass, wheat grass, parsley, ginger root, kale, odorless garlic.


Well, at least it is odorless garlic. Don’t wanna go offending everyone I meet because I drank Green Machine.


This is all natural. Very darn good, Naked. Natural flavors is probably for a less “herbal” taste, I think. Also, no milk so I’m A-OK.

Serving size is one bottle. Cool.


270 calories, 0g total fat, 0mg cholesterol, 25mg sodium, 760mg potassium, 63g total carbs, 0g dietary fiber, 53g sugars, 4g protein, 90% Vitamin A, 70% Vitamin C, 4% calcium, 8% iron, 20% riboflavin, 20% Vitamin B6, 20% Vitamin B12, 10% Magnesium.


B Vitamins! Must be from the ginger. Time for some energy! That’s where the “Machine” must come from since I gotta keep moving.


Well, time to try it.


Well…. This certainly looks like something I shouldn’t be consuming. It is… very green. It is dark as dark can be. The Queen says it looks like “pea soup” and I agree.


The smell, though, is quite fantastic. It smells like tropical stuff should smell. It also has this herbal undertone from the kale or whatever else it has in it. It is just a small smack in the face like an old friend might give you if they are greeting you after a long absence. Hmm. Now that I’ve let it sit, the herbal small is more predominate, but it isn’t overwhelming.


Well, time to try this, right?


Ugh… Okay. Let’s do it.


Huh. Hmm. Uh. Huh.


Well, it is really thick. I’ll give it that. At first, this tastes straight up like tropical goodness, but then it is swarmed by vegetable taste. It is like when you’re a kid and you don’t wanna eat your vegetables so your parents trick you by giving you some cake but as soon as they give you some, they sneak a broccoli in with it. It isn’t horrible, but very odd.


The aftertaste is really something. It tastes very earthy and bitter. It makes me want it to go away so I have to go and take another sip of this.


If I wasn’t diagnosing this for taste, I could probably ignore the aftertaste, but it really does leave this earthy-like grainy texture on my tongue.


This is how I’d describe this drink:

I’m sitting on a fence near a garden after working all day in the field. I’m taking a slight break and eating a delicious fruit, when all the sudden some bully comes in and pushes me off the fence into the ground. I’m in mid bite so I get a mouthful of dirt and whatever is growing on that field.


That’s what this is.


Would I buy this again? Heck no. Is it worth the novelty of trying it? Absolutely. Some people may really, really like this. Me, I’m very middle of the road with it. The price doesn’t warrant me buying it again. If you are super into health food too, this might not be for you. The sugar count is high, but that’s only from the fruits. Non-GMO will make those health-nuts happy too. The size of the bottle is pretty generous too.


My only problem is that it isn’t organic for people that are just trying to be organic. This is healthy, sure enough, but Naked misses out on that crowd.


What do I know? I didn’t go to school for business! I just taste stuff and say if it is any good.


This is okay. I’ll give it an Old McDonald Had A Farm out of Rad. Try it. That’s what I’ll say.


Final thought: people say kale is gross. Pair it with this and you won’t think so, I think.