The Outsiders is the name of today’s prompt.
It says to describe a time when I was an outsider looking in and it doesn’t limit my scope of interpretation.
So, yeah. Outsider. That’s kinda been my role for my entire life. Sometimes it is brought on by myself while other times I’m just generally not accepted. Neither is bad. Sometimes I’m sad as an outsider, especially as someone who is kinda extroverted.
I was never the most popular kid in school. I’ve mentioned it before, but I wanna elaborate some more here. The “popular” kids were cruel and petty. I never wanted to be like them, but even in my own circle, I felt like an outsider.
I’ve mentioned before that my friends were all smart and I wasn’t so I compensated with humour. When they actually were talking about their advanced classes or projects, I never had any clue as to what they were doing.
In the 8th grade, most of my friends were in Geometry, which for us was a high school class. They had a special room where the high school teacher came to teach a select few. Me, I was stuck in remedial maths. I know I suck at it and if I was bumped into Geometry I would have struggled. I don’t care about that. I didn’t like maths, but it was the whole situation where my friends were all in this little circle in which I couldn’t participate.
When we’d hang out, sometimes the conversation drifted to that class. They’d go on and on about it while I had no input because I didn’t know the subject. I could have been patient and listened, but that’s boring. I would just fool around instead by doing something stupid like trying to back-heel a baseball or see how hard I could crash a bike into a wall.
I suppose it doesn’t suck that I wasn’t part of them. I just figured they were my friends and I hate being excluded. They have every right to talk about whatever they want, but if I don’t get it, then I’m gonna go entertain myself.
The same thing happens now when I’m chatting with Gildem and Owlflame. Sometimes they spend hours talking about Anime or some Japanese game I haven’t played nor want to play. What do I end up doing? I play Euro Truck or drown them out with FlyLo. It is boring being an outsider.
At the same time it sucks because I like to contribute. I like to feel useful. If I’m not feeling useful, then I compensate with humour. Secretly, maybe they wish I could have contributed. They wish I played that game because it was good in their eyes and I’m missing out on it. Maybe I shoulda been in Geometry because another mind could help solve problems. Maybe I’m lame for not liking this game. Maybe I’m too stupid to be friends with them.
Well, it ended up I was too stupid for them, but I found that out later. Humour only gets you so far. We drifted. I still hear from them every now and then. It is more of a cordial thing like “How’s work?” and “Oh that’s great. We should talk again some other time.” Bully like that.
Maybe I’m a fool for holding onto it.
Anyway, sometimes I force myself into being an outsider and that’s more intentional. I hate how some things in society are like using those memes and emojis. I do this on purpose because I think they are dumb and I will reject these sorts of things until they go away or I give up on it. That’s more of me thinking something is lame and I don’t wanna do it. I was thinking about this the other day on how I’m so out of the loop that I probably don’t know what’s funny anymore.
I think I’m at this point where I feel like I don’t belong in the younger crowd that makes these stupid things and I don’t wanna be with the older people that “misuse” them or “overly” use them. No offense to you older people. I just end up taking the middle road and choose to not use them or try to find them funny. Honestly, I don’t get the dog-meme thing.
This is okay because I mostly choose not to get it. It doesn’t interest me to be in either crowd.
Even in my own kind of circle, I sometimes make myself an outsider. The new Fall Out game is out and it is pretty popular, but I can’t be bothered with it because of whatever I think. Maybe it is the hype. Maybe it is the probable bugs. Maybe I’m just more interested in Jade Empire at the moment. Maybe it is all of them. I’m on the outside and I just don’t care about trends. Will I play Fall Out? Who knows? Probably not because I didn’t really care for New Vegas so therefore I’ve just come to assume I probably wouldn’t care for Fall Out 4.
I suppose I don’t want to be swept into something because of hype. I like doing things at my own pace.
I think I’ve gone on enough about this. This is a decent topic actually because I have different modes of being an outsider.