I’m thinking about some things like why I never seem to find myself in the right place at the right time ever.

I recently rejoined the Booker community and already I find some people I ended up following are fairly uninteresting in their interaction with their other friends. I suppose I can unfollow them.

I brought back the YouTube channel. The videos are back for your viewing pleasure. Gildem pretty much convinced me much to my chagrin.

I guess I should get myself out there more. People could like me but they could equally dislike me.

I have started to think that it really doesn’t matter what people think anymore. I’m too messed up already and trying to appease everyone wasn’t helping. It isn’t so much that I can take the good with the bad, but rather I simply don’t have the ability to care anymore.

Gildem said I have a certain type of comedy to me. It’s like “meta” he said. This is one subject I constantly ponder. What is my sense of humour and what kind of humour do I show? I end up thinking that I like really stupid things. Abnormal stuff I suppose. My humour style is another question. Honestly, I don’t think I’m funny at all. No one likes my jokes. They tolerate them.

I feel like a lot of people force themselves to be morning people. They love coffee and waking up to the sun. Like calculus, I’m refusing to give into it. I will never enjoy mornings. People I used to know that frequented fourms were there all night. Now I’m lucky to see them once in a while because work turned them into a “morning person.”

You will fight and fight it more but eventually you will except it. Me, I’m still up at 1 AM. I get up for work at 9 and arrive fully functional. I won’t be a 1 AM tourist. This is my time of night. If I had to say what my favourite time ever was it would be 3 AM. Around here, everything is quiet. The street lamps shine on the empty streets and no one is around. The noisy basketball kids are asleep. The coming and going people aren’t driving their large, very unnecessary cars. Nothing. No lawn services. I feel alone and I enjoy it. Do I want to be alone forever? No. This time of night is Chas time. Me, the void, and the Rad Blog. Add snow and it is borderline perfect.

I lied about the first thing I said in this post. There is one time. One very important time where I was in the right place at the right time and did the right thing for the right person and things after that were perfect. To me.

I suppose I should sleep. I should. I’m not horribly tired but I’m in a sad mood and when I sleep I alleviate it.

One last thing. I’m getting signals from people. People ask why I majored in literature if I didn’t end up wanting to teach. I tell them that originally I thought it was a good idea, but became disenchanted with it after spending more years in school. I feel like old professors are judging me on my direction. They see what I’m doing and probably think I have more potential or something and I waste it on jobs not geared towards my major. There are two questions I have to that.

1: Which jobs, besides teaching and writing would those be?

2: Did you ever consider I am doing what I’m doing because I find the jobs geared to my degree are absolutely attrocious in turn out, pay, and overall interest?

One job I saw on a website said literature majors make great librarians. Library science is nice and all but that’s more schooling and more loans and libraries are changing. Computer science people can be librarians too. I just don’t want to mess with it.

What am I doing now? Playing the field. They don’t teach this in school. They fail to help you find your interest. I’ve had many jobs in the last few years and I think I’m finally at one I like and can see myself doing more peofessionally. I’m still learning, but I can master it.

That is how I will end this.

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